What to do when Jesus talks to you

Dear Bloggess, So I’ve been on this whole trying to be a better Christian thing lately and I’ve hit a wall. I realized that if Jesus came down from Heaven and told me to leave my children to follow him I totally would NOT do it. So, because I’m a good mom and refuse to abandon my babies, am I going to hell? ~ Katie

Statistically speaking, if you see Jesus and he asks you to do something crazy that’s probably less of a “religious vision” and more of a “tumor pressing on your brain”.  Besides, Jesus would never ask you to desert your kids.  God might though.  God’s kind of a wild card on that stuff.  But the good thing is that he has Jesus up there to calm him down.  Like, remember on Dennis the Menace how Mr. Wilson was basically a good guy except that he got really pissed off easily and Mrs. Wilson would always be the cool-headed one who quietly got Dennis to stop being such a douche and always made Mr. Wilson calm down and not murder Dennis?  Basically God is Mr. Wilson and Jesus is Mrs. Wilson and we’re Dennis.  So basically we can be horrible fuck-ups as long as it’s unintentional and well-meaning and Mrs. Wilson will totally have our backs, but if we suddenly move from digging up all Mr. Wilson’s prize petunias to setting fire to everyone’s garages Mrs. Wilson is probably going to be all “Okay, you know what? I’m calling the cops.” I don’t know who the cops are in this analogy.  Maybe the devil?  I’m not good at analogies.  My point here though is that if you think Jesus is saying anything to you that seems dangerous to your children you shouldn’t worry about it because you probably just have brain cancer.

Linkage: Ask the Bloggess

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~ by Leah Danielle on August 25, 2010.

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